Good God... this time next week I'll be Mrs. G!

:-O

I've been so busy with sorting out the details for the wedding and shuttling between the apartment and my parents' house (which I have now taken to refering to it as, even though I haven't officially moved out) since my stuff is all over the place. I haven't really thought about it much, except to wish it was over already just so that my mother would stop being Mother-Kong. I don't think it'll really hit me until Wednesday, when my MoH arrives.

Work has been driving me nuts lately. I thought that maybe if I changed firms, things would be better but I hate to say it: they've gotten worse.

I've had people tell me that I need to change my perception and negativity and just get on with it. Afterall, I'm getting married in about 3 months and with a mortgage on the way as well, I really can't afford to be unemployed. Fair point, I suppose but not when the very thought of being here makes me want to lie down on a busy highway and get run over just so that I can get medical leave and not have to come to work.

People have asked me what it is that I hate about my job so much and for awhile, I could not put it into words. Now though, I can't stop:

1. The work scope. I have never really cared for anything finance/company law related. Big banks suing people for loans, rich companies suing other rich companies for money. People suing other people for damaging their boats. Yawn.

2. The research and the memos. Once upon a time, the idea of working in a career that was set in its ways didn't seem so bad. Afterall, most of the novel arguments had already been thought of and Judges tend to like to stick with what another Judge has already acknowledged. Case law gets entrenched in itself and all you have to do is find a successful case that sounds kinda like your own factual scenario, argue that what ever was decided there should apply to you as well and then everyone can be on their merry way. Except no two cases are alike, the parties differ, the lawyers differ, the facts differ and the state of the economy differs. Yet, the bosses expect you to trawl through every possible case (read = look for a needle in a haystack) until you find that one case that fits so that everyone can run with it.

3. As an associate, you do the shit work that no one wants to do. They call it "training" and "working your way to the top". And when I say shit work, I mean the researching, the sifting through reams of documents, the binding and photocopying. Its incredibly dull and half the time meaningless.

4. Being bound to a desk. Often for periods much longer than 9am - 5pm. Try more like 9am to 2am. Then you crawl home to your bed, not bothering to eat or talk to anyone along the way because it takes up too much energy/time and collapse, only to have to wake up the next morning at 7am and trudge your way back to the office.

5. Being bossed around by the Boss. Having to meet ridiculously unrealistic deadlines and trying to do your best while still getting yelled at.

I realise its more than just the things that are "typical" to being a legal associate. I dislike the job scope and what the job typically entails. More than that, I don't see myself being a top lawyer one day. I don't look at my bosses and think to myself, wow, one day I will be just like them in their cozy offices. Instead I feel sorry for them. They barely have time to spend with their wives and kids (its a wonder that they found the time to get married at all) or pursue any leisure related activities.

Ultimately, I realise that it was never my ambition to be a lawyer. When I was younger, I never participated in debates. I chose to go to law school as an alternative to going to med school (Father was a doctor and all that. Had high hopes I'd take after him and if not, go into an equally "respectable" professional career). I did a series of internships, thinking it wasn't all that bad being lawyer, only to discover later on, after I had become a lawyer that the HR people would send out an internal memo to all lawyers, especially associates, to be extra nice to interns and give them the impression that it was great to be a lawyer. All the more to lull them into the misapprehension that they were making the right career choices if they joined our firm. Boy, was I duped.

So here I am. Still miserable and hating my job and thinking about all the other things I would rather be doing with my life. Feeling scared that even though I want to quit so badly and follow my real interests, that I won't make as much money as I am now and might not be able to pay my mortgage in a few months time. It sucks but that's reality I guess.

I am willing myself to hold on till the wedding. Who knows, things might change (unlikley) but at least I'd have earned a couple more thousands by then to bouy me for awhile. If I haven't already snapped by then!

What makes me sad is that NG and I haven't argued this much as we have over the details of our wedding. On some days, we bicker about what colours we like, on others, its a full blown shouting match on the limitations we are facing because so and so's family is being a pain.

Apparently, its normal for couples to argue in the run up to their marriage. It could be that we're both just blowing things out of proportion due to our stress levels. Still, its hard to deal with this without wondering whether we're rushing into things.

Today I had lunch with an old friend and fellow bride-to-be and we swapped stories about just how much had to be done before the actual day itself. It was nice to be able to chat about it and compare deals with someone else who was also going through the same thing.

More excitingly though, the wedding planner course I attended last night completely met my expectations and taught me so much that I didn't even know that I didn't know. I'm so excited to be doing this and learning about a whole new industry which I'll eventually jump into.

Aside from NG, I hadn't really told anyone that I was doing this because I was afraid that I would be laughed at or told that I was just being fruity. But it has surprised me that the few people that I have told, including my dad who I was most afraid to tell as he'd always encouraged me to work towards a good profession like law, have been incredibly surportive. I figure I can start this off as a side business, helping out friends and then hopefully establishing a reputation by word of mouth as I build my portfolio.

So today, I also registered my business and told my bride to be friend over lunch about this new venture I was taking. And she asked me whether I would help her out with her wedding (as its after mine) and call it my first project. I was thrilled and it was exciting to get my first client.

As most of you may already know, I am getting married at the end of the year. Well, specifically, on 22 Nov 09. And now that I think about it, thats exactly 4 months away. Really, there isn't a lot of time left.

At least I can say that we've finalised our venue and booked a deejay (who is really more of an event co-ordinator in that he planned out our itinerary for the evening and comes with 2 performance acts), our caterer (one of the venue's approved caterers who happens to also be a family friend) and a make-up artist. But I still have a ton of details to take care of!

Anyways, the point of this post wasn't to rant about my upcoming wedding but to rant about my career. I've just joined a new law firm and while things have started off ok so far, I feel more and more that this isn't what I want to spend my life doing. I've spent the last couple of months thinking about what I want to do professionally and the few things I keep coming back to are writing and events.

I have wanted to write for as long as I can remember. I started blogging at 18 as an outlet for my writing. I have completed one novel thus far and have at least 5 other projects which are presently half written. I considered going into journalism as a career switch but I wondered whether working in a time crunch environment would kill my passion for writing. I decided that I would maybe get into doing some freelance writing but will save the rest of it for writing novels at my own pace which I will someday publish.

As for events, I think back now to all the parties I've planned, the event-planning committees I've always been on, my year as ISA president was effectively that as chief event planner for international student activities. I've planned birthdays for friends and family trips. And if there's one thing I can say with certainty, I've always been much more excited planning a successful event than the actual event itself. And now, as I plan my wedding, I realise that perhaps this is something I could do professionally. As a side business for a start and then from there, who knows where this could grow to?

So here I am. I have just enrolled myself on a diploma course to become a certified wedding planner. I'm incredibly excited about it and NG has been incredibly supportive, encouraging me sign up for it in the first place. My classes start next week.

The Boy and I have adopted a three-month old kitten. Our friends are calling it a prelude to parenting. I just thought she was the most adorable little thing when I first saw her at the pet shop: picking a fight with a labrador at least twenty times her size. Lucky for her the other pets at the store were used to her antics and could not be bothered to swipe her away when she was nibbling on their ears. Since bringing her home, I love watching how everything is an adventure to her, how she always pounces on the carpet fringe and tries to get her tiny jaws around every thing to see if its edible. And when she gets tired, she's under my bed, curled up on one of the smaller suitcases which she declared her bed.

The oddest difference I've noticed though, besides having a new roommate, is that a typical conversation between the Boy and I now sounds like this:

Boy: How's the little one?

Me: She's ok. Woke me up early so that I would feed her.

Boy: Aww. Did she take a poo after that.

Me: Yup. Stank! But I've wiped her down and cleaned her litter box.

Boy: What's she doing now?

Me: Attacking the carpet fringe/napping on the suitcase.

Boy: I miss her already. 

Gah! Can you imagine the mundane conversations we'll have after we have kids?!

Hello Bloglanders!

I'm proud to announce that this is my 100th post on this site. It has been an enjoyable ride thus far but I'm afraid, like all things, it must come to an end. What was once an exciting project where I could bitch about work and dish on the little things that made the legal world what it was, is now become a constant reminder of how much I hate my job and how annoying I must sound to anyone reading about my daily whinging. And that was not what Corporate Bitch was supposed to be about. I had wanted to write witty little commentaries but I hardly have the time or the patience to write anymore. I've already quit my job and am serving my notice period and I don't think it'll be much longer before I leave this industry altogether.

Not to mention my personal life is drastically on the move and this blog was never meant to be a personal space (even though it became one at times).

To the few folks who do stop by and read my rants once in awhile, I'm not exactly leaving Blogland just yet. I'm planning on reviving Faz-in-a-Box but will be hosting it on Blogger now instead of Diaryland. Hopefully I'll write about the things that make me smile again.

Till then, thanks to everyone who ever stopped by, read what I wrote and took the time to comment on my posts. Ciao folks!

Perhaps I'm just one of those people who can't be told what to do. I feel so restless at work lately. I dread having to come into the office every morning and the end of the day just doesn't approach fast enough. I am exhausted most of the time and miserable the rest. This job is turning out to be exactly what I had hoped would never happen.

At the begining of the year, I was so thrilled about moving to a new team, thinking that a change of folks might do the trick. Now about to change firms and am starting to wonder if going to all these interviews and finding another lawyer-ing job is really the answer. It might be something I'm half good at but its not something I'm passionate about anymore.

I feel stuck but feel that leaving this industry is not an option. I'm already fighting with people for my personal life, I don't want to have to fight for my professional life either. How is it that some people land the perfect jobs to suit their lifestyles/passions/ needs while others simply make do, try and earn what they can and sit quietly with their misery.

So, I have quit my job.

I finally plucked up the guts to make up my mind that this is not how I want to spend my life. I do not think it is normal to work till past midnight every night and then to be in the office before nine the next morning. I did not think that it was normal to think that such a lifestyle is normal. After only 3 months of being with this team, I am exhausted and burining out fast. And despite the dismal state of the economy, I decided to brave my chances and see what else is out there.

Wish me luck! I'm probably going to need it once the panic sets in that I will be jobless in three months time and I start to wonder if I've just made the stupidiest mistake of my life, quitting the Firm and the job that was once my dream.

"Why am I in this profession again!??" I squeaked from under the never-ending pile of documents that were being heaped on me by the minute.

"Because you like pain," came my roommate's wry response.

My little pro bono criminal case was heard today and I can safely say it wasn't my best work. For starters, I should have prepared my written mitigation a lot sooner than working on it till 4.30am last night.

When I'd first met my client after being assigned the case, I was convinced that I would be able to write a powerful mitigation for him to show the court how he was a victim of his circumstances and had strayed into crime by mixing with the wrong kinds of people. I completely believed in my client, that he meant what he said when he wanted to change and was remorseful for what he had done. But when I finally got down to writing the piece, I wasn't so sure anymore. At the end of the day, being poor isn't an excuse to be a thief, especially when the proceeds weren't going towards helping your family but being spent on yourself.

As I tried to draft the piece, I felt my heart sink more and more as the mitigation just sounded weak to me. I tried to cover my angles and think around the situation, hoping to camoflauge my client's bad deeds with redeeming traits but they were scarce to begin with.

Today at the hearing, I feel like I didn't try hard enough. A part of me felt that I had already judged my client and limited my mitigation to a sentence that I thought would be appropriate for someone with his background. And when we were before the Judge, even though I had tried to put my best case forward, I felt like the Judge saw right through it and sentenced him based on what I was secretly thinking he deserved.

I felt like a crummy lawyer after that. Like I didn't do my job properly to get my client as light a sentence as possible. But as NG said, in the end, the client did get the "right" punishment. And it was supposed to be part of the oath that I took when I was called to the bar that I was there to assist the court in the pursuit of justice.

Its kind of reminded me of that question I always get when I'm at a dinner party with older folks and they love to ask whether I could sleep at night after successfully defending an axe murderer. In all honesty, I don't know if I can answer that question.

I knew what the policy considerations were for today's hearing and even knew that my client was not going to get of easy. Secretly though, I still think I feel safer knowing that he's being sent for reformative training rather than being let off with a stern warning.

A lot of people know that my dad is a bit of a big cheese in the medical fraternity here. People fly in from around the world to get treated by him and in turn, people offer to fly him around the world so that he can give lectures to others. A lot of people who know him professionally are usually a little afraid of him because he runs a tight shift but no one disputes that he is one of the best doctors in South East Asia. (uh huh, thats the whole damn region!)

Anyhoo, what a lot of people don't know is that my dad is actually one of my favourite people and is a really funny and silly when you get to know him.

The third thing which no one knows as yet (and in telling you I'm letting you in on a little secret), just the other day, my dad was called back to the hospital one evening to attend to a patient that had just come into A & E. Picking up the fact sheet and glancing at the patient's name, my dad couldn't help but joke, "Mr. _______? You wouldn't by any chance be related to your namesake would you?"

The patient looked confused. He was probably doped up on medication. "Which MR. _____ are you refering to?" he asked slowly.

"How many Mr. ______ do you know?" My dad returned.

"Err..." the Patient scratched his beard, still very much puzzled by my dad's line of questioning.

"Hang on a minute," a light bulb seemed to go off in my dad's head and he pointed a finger at the patient. "Are you a lawyer?"

"Yes," the Patient nodded slowly.

"Oh my God!" (Yes, my dad really says "Oh my God") "Are you the Mr. _____?"

"I suppose so," the patient nodded.

"My daughter works are your firm," my dad couldn't help but blurt.

"Oh?" the patient appeared interested. "Who is she?"

And thats probably why I was summoned to the CEO's office this morning and told that my dad had a very pleasant bedside manner.

Yesterday, an intern at the Firm popped by my office to say hello. I found it strange because I am no where near the top of this corporate structure such that I'm in a position where people want to meet me. And yet, this little intern had hunted me down specifically. But what was even more surprising was the fact that we'd actually met before, about a year ago, in a court room, when I was just a lowly pupil slaving away under the Ex-Boss and she was an even lowlier intern for zouk Boy (who coincidentally is now a High Court Judge-in-training). We met during a hearing while we were both seated in the public gallery. And of all the random things, we started chatting and I think possibly even exchanged numbers (though the note pad where I had scribbled it onto has long since disappeared...)

Promptly after the meeting, I forgot all about it until yesterday when the intern popped up. The poor child is presently interning under the Ex-Boss. I felt it was my civic duty to warn her right away. But then I remembered why I had even joined The Firm in the first place: Four years ago, when I too was just a lowly intern, I had interned at the Firm under the Ex-Boss. And at that time, he was lovely. (To be fair, the man does possess the capacity to be nice to people who aren't working for him) On top of that, the Firm has a policy to sugar-coat everything for interns to lure them into a false sense that the Firm is an awesome and happy place where everyone gets to leave at 5.30pm and go out for drinks afterwards and entice them to apply for jobs at the Firm when they graduate. Admittedly, I too was suckered in this way.

So instead, I kept my resentment towards the Ex-Boss to myself. Now that the dust has almost settled (and after I heatedly told D2 last week that if I ever saw the Ex-Boss's extension number flashing on my little phone screen again I would explode) and I am in a happier place now, I guess there's no need to slander the guy anymore. What was done was done and what was said was said. His number has not flashed on my phone for awhile, nor has a little window appeared on my computer screen proclaiming an email from him. I don't even see him around the Firm as I'm ten floors away from the man. For what it was worth, he taught me alot. But I'm thrilled that lesson is finally over and I've moved on to the next class.

I find it cute that Number Two also calls her husband "the Boy". Not to say there's an age limit on these things but she's at least 10 years older than me. Perhaps love makes people feel youthful.

First off, Happy New Year all!!

I know I'm about 2 weeks late but things have been busy. For starters, I've finally finally FINALLY transferred to my new team and I couldn't be happier, aside from the few calls I've received from the Boss which were beginning to make me think I'd never be rid of the evil man. But those have since died down and now, even though my hours are longer and I have more work to do, my disposition is generally happier and I find myself getting to work earlier and not complaining about working later. I feel like that self-motivated drive I once possessed has come back and in part, I do have the Boss to thank for it. Working for him kept me on edge all the time for the past year because I was terrified that I was going to get screwed for missing out on a detail. The result is that I now make an extra effort to cover all my angles just in case. I'm not great yet and still mess up, but I do think I pick up things faster than I did before.

The people on my new team are so nice! They have all made me feel incredibly welcome and VJ, a director and the team's Number Two, seems to have taken me under her wing and taken it upon herself to fill me in on the team's eccentricities so that I don't feel left out. As a smaller team than my previous one, the workload on each person is a lot more but everyone is just generally more chilled out here. I've been moved to a new office and have a new Office Roomie (though I miss my old one terribly for no one else would randomly start humming the theme tune to Indiana Jones in the middle of the afternoon!). Its still early days and I really hope that, if the past two weeks have been anything to go by, moving to a new team was the right decision to make.

Workwise, I've also been assigned my first pro-bono criminal case. Its a pretty small matter but I was incredibly excited nonetheless because somewhere in the law society, someone thought about asking me to take on the case amongst hundreds of other new volunteer lawyers for the pro-bono scheme and again, I have the Boss to thank for this. On one of the last weeks when I was working for him before I went on holiday, he introduced me to a couple of his friends at the criminal bar and really bigged me up. When the pro-bono people called me, they mentioned that they remembered me from when they met me with the Boss and asked if I was interested in taking the case. And I took it because the Boss once told me that he started taking pro-bono cases just to get on his feet and practice trial advocacy. It was a great opportunity to stand up and argue a case before a judge and get some courtroom experience.

As in almost every other profession, its who you know that helps you get a leg up. I've been putting myself out there for various criminal law related activities and meeting people who are at the top of the field. I'm starting to get recognised, even though they don't know my name yet, they know my face and nod a smile in my direction when they see me in court. Its an amazing feeling, I must admit.

Blogwise, I'm not sure how much I'll get to update this in coming weeks but I will try, especially with the number of cases I have coming up, I'm sure there will be funny stories to tell about how I messed up in front of a judge. I realised that my blog was becoming less corporate and more personal of late but then, the two do go somewhat hand in hand. I am just an ordinary twenty-something at the end of the day, struggling to carve out a career while trying to maintain some semblance of a social life. I'm still in the middle of the epic battle that is Mother vs. NG (though I think there's a bit of a ceasefire at the moment which is a relief!)

Anyhoo! Happy New Year bloglanders! I hope 2009 is looking bright for you too :)