NG and I went to see My Sassy Girl last night, a movie starring Jesse Bradford and Elisha Cuthbert. It was a rather typical sappy romance movie but something about the movie really hit too close to home. The movie was about a couple who met rather randomly and fell in love despite the antics only for the girl to tell the guy that she wasn't ready to be with him and asked him to wait until she was. And wait he did. And in the end, they obviously got back together but the journey of how they got from start to end reminded me a little too much of the situation with NG. At one point in the movie, I glanced over and noticed he too was tearing. I reached out and let my fingers interlace with his. In a way, I felt the movie conveyed to him how I felt better than I could have with my words and his emotions showed me that he understood what I was trying to say.

 

Its hard to say where things stand now. We both are still clinging to whatever we have left after the relationship has been taken out of the equation, knowing its only too easy to slip back into the comfort we find in each other and yet putting up the appearance that we can just be friends. Since the blowout last week, things have almost reverted to the way they were, with the exception that we're constantly reminding ourselves that we're no longer together. We remain in contact throughout the day and still meet up regularly. But its a constant struggle to keep my hands out of his hair.

 

I still love him. Or perhaps more accurately, I still care for him. I'm not sure if the difference is significant anymore.

 

I know logically what I need to do. I need to be strong and enforce the break-up. I need to see him less and not answer his calls all the time. I need to learn to live without knowing he'll be there whenever I call, and indeed, learning not to call him whenever I need him. I have already made such a mess of things.

 

Its been almost a month since things ended. Everyone promised that things would get easier. I hope they're right.