As I was coming into work yesterday, the weather was incredibly grey and windy. It looked liked it was about to rain with everything it had. The wind was flinging leaves and plant debris everywhere and my umbrella kept threatening to flip inside out. The temperature must have dropped a good few degrees as it was suddenly very chilly. But the rain did not pour down in sheets as one would have expected. For all the fanfare around it, the rain itself was almost half-hearted: just an uneven shower of water that landed where ever the wind had blown it to. In fact, the only way to accurately describe the rain was to compare it to English rain.

 

In England, at least from the 5 years I had spent there, it never quite rained the way it does in Asia. Over here the rain falls in thick droplets, splashing on everyone and leaving large puddles everywhere. It rains heavily like this for about 20 to 30 minutes, then stops completely, leaving the weather cooler, albeit more humid. than before. But in England, the rain falls lightly, a shower that one can still escape from relatively dry even without an umbrella. But it rains for hours, leaving everything cold and grey and damp.

 

The rain yesterday was English rain. And while everyone around me looked as gloomy as the weather, I absolutely loved it because it reminded me of England. I've realised more and more lately just how much I really miss the place and my life there. When I left Singapore some 7 years ago, I remember thinking that this was it! That was my ticket out of Singapore and I had no intention of ever coming back. And yet, 5 years on, following the mess with the Muppet and the end of my degree when I was at a crossroads of what to do next, I let my guard down and let myself get convinced that coming back was a good idea.

 

On the whole, I don't regret my decision to come back. I'm not one for regrets and I would be lying if I didn't admit that life has been good to me here. I've got a good job at a good firm, I live at home so whatever I earn is spent on pampering myself, I have a car to drive around and I've met a man who's crazy about me. I'm at home for major holidays and spend more time with my family. I'm in the same country as my best friend again and have made a great number of new friends. I count myself lucky for all the things I have in my life and yet... something in me is yearning for something else. A challenge perhaps. The freedom I once had to do whatever I liked, whenever I liked. The responsibility to make my own choices and to pay my bills. I feel that coming back to Singapore was almost like taking a step backwards after coming into my own in England. The lifestyle here is much more muted, the people more sedate. I'm expected to behave a certain way.

 

I don't know if going back to England is the answer but that feeling I had way back when I'm 17 has resurfaced. I wasn't made to spend my entire life in Singapore. I'm itching to do something with my life, to move away again or to change the direction I'm moving in but not sure how to.

 

I'm looking forward to my upcoming holiday for the sole reason that I will finally get some time to myself. Its long overdue. I need to get away from my family, my work and my man and just have some time alone to think about what I want to do next.

 

Till then, I'll just enjoy the English rain thats falling on Singapore.