Breaking up is truly awful. I really hope I never have to do this again. In the continued obsession with our stuff, I returned all the gifts and things that he'd given me over the span of our relationship as per his request. That included my bracelet, my iPod, his football jersey that I used to wear to bed, the little bears that sat in my car... almost everything I could think of. I held on to one or two items because I still wanted to remember our relationship. I told him in a note that I didn't want any of my things back. If there was anything he didn't want anymore, he could just throw it all away.

I had also been avoiding all of his calls. It really hadn't been easy. Every time that phone buzzed I would stare at it, silently apologising for not answering until the buzzing stopped. Until this morning that is. And now I wish I had just not answered that one too. He asked me why I was doing this to him and why I had been avoiding his calls. He asked me why I had left him again and this time I just spat it out. I'd met someone who possessed certain qualities that he just never would. Qualities that I thought I could live without but after having seen them on someone else, realised that I did want those things. He had obviously not been expecting me to say that.

So he officially hates me now. I just kept silent and let him jump to the conclusions that I was a lying, cheating whore. There was no use in defending myself when he wasn't prepared to listen. He told me that he regretted our entire relationship and that it had been a complete waste of his time. I couldn't help but think of all of those times when I told him that I was afraid to leave him because I knew he would think I had been leading him on and he had assured me that he wouldn't think that. And yet here we were.

I do not regret our relationship. I regret how I acted towards him as we neared the end of our relationship. And I regret that it took me meeting someone else to give me that push to let go of him. But I do not regret having spent all those months with him. As I've always said with at the end of everyone of my previous relationships, I am thankful for the learning experience. I learnt what it was like to be in a loving relationship. I learned what I was like as a girlfriend. I had my best friend by my side all the time. And I also learned that I want someone who has the same background as me and that there are people like that out there.

Since then I've had to put up with the hurtful words being flung my way. But I suppose I deserve them in a way. I had been a bitch afterall. But he just wasn't the one. I can't help how I feel and I can't force myself to love someone I just don't feel for. Perhaps in time I'll kick myself for letting go of someone so good. But as P said, I have to let go until I know whats true. And the only way to find out is to get out there and let life happen.

Still, knowing it was the right thing to do doesn't make breaking up and being hated any easier.