Its quite amazing the power that material possessions take on when there's an emotion attached to them. Suddenly, a little scrap of paper like a parking fine, takes on a whole new meaning when you remember that the parking fine was issued on a night when you went over to the boy's house because he was too sick and you cuddled on the couch watching movies till late, not caring that you'd fall sick too given the close proximity.
Or that little bracelet that I hadn't really liked when he first gave it to me in a shopping mall one night but the next day when I saw it in natural sunlight, it glittered and gleamed and from that moment the bracelet never left my wrist because I had fallen in love with it. Kinda reminds me of our entire relationship in general. How I hadn't liked him at first but fell completely in love with him as I got to know him.
He gave me back all of my stuff today. Material possessions no doubt but they were all things that were now too painful to look at because they carried the weight of the memories attached to them. He just handed it over in one big bag, from the mundane crap I'd left in his car to the gifts that I had spent hours deliberating over, right down to the little love notes I used to slip into his pocket when he wasn't paying attention. I tried to tell him that I couldn't accept them back, afterall, what was I going to do now with a Liverpool keychain, but he told me that he couldn't bear to look at them and remember me.
In a swirl of emotions, I gave back my beloved bracelet, the one that I had fallen in love with and never wanted to take off. I gave it back because I knew I couldn't keep it anymore. Just like that, even though I had fallen in love with him and never wanted things to be this way, I gave him back his heart because I couldn't keep it anymore. I didn't feel right anymore. I didn't deserve to have something so beautiful and not be able to appreciate its true value.
To my gerbil, if you ever chance upon my blog again: Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me and being who you are to me.
Or that little bracelet that I hadn't really liked when he first gave it to me in a shopping mall one night but the next day when I saw it in natural sunlight, it glittered and gleamed and from that moment the bracelet never left my wrist because I had fallen in love with it. Kinda reminds me of our entire relationship in general. How I hadn't liked him at first but fell completely in love with him as I got to know him.
He gave me back all of my stuff today. Material possessions no doubt but they were all things that were now too painful to look at because they carried the weight of the memories attached to them. He just handed it over in one big bag, from the mundane crap I'd left in his car to the gifts that I had spent hours deliberating over, right down to the little love notes I used to slip into his pocket when he wasn't paying attention. I tried to tell him that I couldn't accept them back, afterall, what was I going to do now with a Liverpool keychain, but he told me that he couldn't bear to look at them and remember me.
In a swirl of emotions, I gave back my beloved bracelet, the one that I had fallen in love with and never wanted to take off. I gave it back because I knew I couldn't keep it anymore. Just like that, even though I had fallen in love with him and never wanted things to be this way, I gave him back his heart because I couldn't keep it anymore. I didn't feel right anymore. I didn't deserve to have something so beautiful and not be able to appreciate its true value.
To my gerbil, if you ever chance upon my blog again: Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me and being who you are to me.
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