I swear that the Muppet is turning into a bit of a nightmare with his whole impending trip to here in a couple of weeks. I half wish he wasn't coming but I feel bad because I committed to it ages ago and in reliance of which, he's bought tickets and planned a holiday and I know there is no estoppel in social/ friendship situations but unfortunately there is a conscience and I just can't tell him at the last minute to sod off.

Bah. I don't really know what to do. I'm just gonna take it as it comes and deal with it when he gets here. Doesn't help that the Boyfriend and I had our first real fight over it :( I can see where he's coming from and am really trying my best to reassure him but it just doesn't seem to be working yet. I'm seeing a different side to him that I've never seen before, a side that strangely reminds me of RS...

After a totally romantic weekend away with The Boyfriend, it all came to a screeching halt as we drove home and the conversation swung around to The Muppet (who is coming to visit me in about 2 weeks). I came clean to admit that the Muppet would be staying with me and it was no surprise that the Boyfriend didn't like it for a second.

After that he promptly got out of the car without kissing me goodbye and drove away. In a bout of anger, when he told me that he'd see me later, I told him not to bother.

And then I felt awful. I sent him a text message to apologise to which he obviously did not reply.

I do realise that the situation is not ideal and that it should not be this way. But I just wish that after telling me he trusts me and our relationship, that he would just let this go. The reason I didn't tell him till now was because I knew he would react this way. And while jealousy is all very romantic, it really doesn't help when I just want to be honest.

I feel somewhat miserable now, like I've backed myself into a corner where on one hand, I can't tell the Muppet that he can no longer come. He's already paid for his tickets and I did tell him he could come here and stay with me. But on the other, I would be an absolute fool to spoil things with the Boyfriend when he is so good to me. I wish I knew how to resolve this...

I knew the inevitable would happen... it was only a matter of time before my mother learned of the Boyfriend. I just hated the way she barged into my room to pick a fight and it suddenly became about my "Christian Boyrfriend" which she repeated numerous times as if she had a bad taste in her mouth.

She told me to come to my senses, the way any good mother would.

I always knew she wouldn't approve of him. Even when I started dating him, I always had that at the back of my mind. And while I would have had to tell her eventually that I was thinking about spending my life with him, I wasn't quite ready to deal with it this soon.

It's probably time to bite the bullet.

After months of being strong and tough and practically forgetting that the whole business with RS ever happened, I gave in to the fleeting feelings I've been having lately where I wonder just how he's doing.

So I sent him a message on facebook.

Yea, I know it wasn't the most tactful way of getting in touch with someone I've had a romantic history with in the past but I was too cowardly to pick up the phone and give him a call. I guess it really only hit me when I realised that what A said was true, he had indeed removed me from his list of friends as he no longer appeared on mine while I was scrolling through to invite friends to an event. On that impulse I clicked over to the mail section and sent him, in retrospect, a rather lame message.

I read over it a few times before hitting send and I knew he wouldn't respond. But still, I wanted to try.

It's no surprise that he has not replied. But that doesn't help the fact that I still feel somewhat rejected.